Hello! I have returned! I had to go on a hiatus there for a quick minute. I became pretty ill, rampant infections deciding to bombard my already sensitive immune system. Typically when people become sick they can get over it quickly, but it takes me much longer. I was put on a pretty sturdy regimen of steroids and antibiotics, so I am letting them take their course. We also experienced a city-wide power outage for a good solid 14 hours, which made it difficult to get on here so I said fuck it, break time.
I know I was really adamant on writing for 30 consecutive days, and while I am pretty bummed I had to stop in the middle, it was best that I gave my mind and body time to rest and heal. Sometimes it is really important to stop and slow down, to give yourself the proper care you need, even if it seems small and silly. I have learned the hard way that you can’t always push yourself into maximum overdrive, and it’s not a personal failure if it’s required to just mellow out. However, It’s still a huge goal of mine to continue to write my prompts for the remainder of the days, so I’ll be starting back out on where I left off, which would be…day 19 I do believe. So I suppose without further ado, let’s get started on this bad boy.
Discuss your first love.
Mmm. I won’t even lie to you, I’ve had to think about this one long and hard. I’ve had a good week or so to sit on it, and I still haven’t been able to conjure something. Why? Well, love is complicated, especially considering I’m bisexual and have loved both the male and female gender, so I was thinking… who came first? What would a first love be considered? The beginning of your very first infatuation? The puppy love feeling we all experience? Or the hardcore falling for someone who you crave forever from? Could it be considered the first time you laid eyes on a pet and decided you had a new best friend?
I thought about all of these things because we all experience a love at some point or another, be it for family, friends, a significant other, pets… you name it. It’s endless. Love is the bond that brings our universe together, it’s what connects us to each other and all living things, so this prompt has thrown me through a few hoops.
Honestly, I’ve loved since a young age. My first crush was when I was what? 5-6? I had a crush on a classmate of mine who loved Harry Potter as much as I did. We’d build cardboard forts in the upstairs office of our parents work space for the railroad company for hours. I mean… did it start there? She was my bestie when we were little kids. Shit, I didn’t have my first boyfriend until… 8th grade, I think. That was an on off thing that would last for years and it drove me batty. We don’t speak anymore, but it’s for the best.
I just…don’t know where to start. I know that I had my first “serious” relationship when I was 14, my freshman year of highschool. It ended badly, and I was left cheated on and feeling like a garbage can. Yes, I have experienced love… I have genuinely loved every person I’ve shared my time with. I remember the feelings of when I first fell in love… your typical cloud nine, wanting to share every moment and be within their presence until the end of time… but if I’m being honest here, I don’t feel like my first love came relationship wise. I think I had found it within a friendship first. I feel like it has been one of the more important types of relationships in my life that have shown me that time and distance apart doesn’t mean diddly shit when it comes to caring and adoring for someone, and wanting to keep them in your life.
She has been my best friend since we were children, probably around 10-11 years old. Her home was my home, and I always loved going over there, and we’d play our video games, be goofy and whatever we felt like doing. Having your sleep overs, staying up all night laughing over who passed gas and of course your typical boy talk, though I’m the one who did all the talking on that end cause she was like “ew man, you have fun with that”. She put up with my boy crazy ass very well.
We stayed really close like two peas in a pod up until she had to move away, and I’m not sure how it happened but we ended up losing contact for about a good 7 years. It was really devastating, but as time passed I was able to find her mother and was like dude, I this is it! So we reconnected and I saw her the following November of 2014. I’ve probably seen her twice since then, but even after the absence and living in separate states, I can tell you that she is still my best friend and the only one whom I’ve had for such a long period of time without any hiccups.
So, in this manner yes, I would say she was my first love. I found love within her that has remained for many years and I do not anticipate it changing.
Romantically speaking, I don’t think I really found my first love up until I was 18. I had serious relationships previously, but nah, it was when I was 18 when I got to experience that feeling of seeing forever in someones eyes for the very first time. It unfortunately didn’t last, and I made a serious life changing decision at that age that altered…everything. Forever. He asked me to marry him, I got cold feet and decided to hitch hike and travel across the state for about 7 months. A week before our wedding date. While that part of my life is behind me so I still remember the times fondly and hope he is doing well now a days, doing whatever it is he is doing.
I only ever wish for anyone I’ve shared my time with that their lives are being lived to the fullest and that they are experiencing happiness in whichever shape or form they are feeling it.
Love is such a big deal to me. It’s absolutely huge in my life. The heart is an extraordinary thing… it can love so many people at once, and love them all differently, to a different extent and have various meanings. It’s an incredible experience. I know that with everyone in my life I hold such a ridiculous amount of love for them all… I wouldn’t change any of it. I cherish everyone!
Well… I suppose that is all for that one. I do apologize again for the hiatus, but I did need the break. I am up and ready, on my feet once again and ready to start over. I’ll be busy through out the weekend, but if I can’t find the time I will continue to write again on Monday, but we shall see. Hopefully everyone has a beautiful day and I’ll talk to ya’ll again soon!
❤
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